How NOT to get it on

[enigmacat]

I though this subject might be of interest to other singles on the board - dating no-nos based on harsh experience.

A Guy's Guide to Not Getting it On (Jezebel)

How to not get it on (Feministe)

Dating Don'ts (Broadsheet)

Based on my own experiences, here are my dating don'ts:

1. After I tell you I've just found out I'm being laid off, don't insist on taking me to a chi-chi bar after I've suggested a cheaper place, order a second pitcher of drinks after I've said I've had enough, and then when the bills comes tell me I owe half.

2. If you talk about your use of hard drugs as something you are proud of, rather than part of your misspent youth - or if you show up high for our first date - I am not interested. I am freaked out.

3. Don't scold our waiter over a trivial point to impress me. You've just inspired him to spit in our appetizer.

4. After I've said "no thank you" once or twice, stop trying to get me to come into your apartment for a drink.

5. Trying to rapidly lick the back of my throat is not an acceptable kissing technique.

6. Don't tell me about your ex, except in passing. If you are talking about another woman (who is not Sarah Palin or Hillary Clinton) with passion, resentment, or anger for more than 60 seconds while on a date with me, you should not be on a date with me.

7. Don't bring me a Dr. Wayne Dyer tape or CD (oddly, this has happened to me on 2 first dates, with 2 different guys)

8. Don't chew gum, especially not with your mouth open. Ewww.

9. If I can tell within one second of meeting you that you've severely stretched the truth on your match.com profile ... why the hell did you bother?

10. If we are walking down the street, do not stay a few steps ahead of me as if you are afraid someone may see us together. After you've already spent the evening being incredibly cagey about what you do and who you are, I think I've got this picture.

11. DON'T SAY I'LL CALL YOU. I know what that means. There's nothing wrong with just saing "It was nice to meet you."

[newastorian35]

Haha, enigmacat--I couldn't agree more with you!  I was on a date last week with a guy that kept talking about his ex--about how glad he was to be out of that relationship and about how horrible she was.  Anyone who would talk negatively about someone they once thought the world of obviously has no respect for the people they date and that's not someone I want to be involved with.  THEN I found out that he still lives with his parents--at 30 years old!  Definitely won't be seeing him again...

Other "Don'ts":
1.  Being a downer.  No negative talk about life.  I don't want to hear about how horrible his job, family, friends, financial situation is.  He must see the positive side of things.
2.  Telling a dumb joke and then laughing at it.  I guess that's just my personal pet peeve, though.
3.  I'm a vegetarian and get the same stupid questions from everyone.  ("What do you eat?"--duh, I eat food just like everyone else!)  I don't make a big deal of it and am not difficult with regards to restaurant selection, so I don't see why anyone else would make an issue of it.
4.  Talking about money--how much he makes, how much things cost, etc.   

[enigmacat]

Oh, that reminds me of one more:

A friend of mine went on a date and mentioned to the guy that she was a vegetarian. He started talking about how much he LOVED hunting deer. After he talked about the thrill of the kill for a few minutes, she figured that at least he wasn't interested and at most he was being a jerk.

A few days later he called and wanted to go out again!

[enigmacat]

12. Don't set off my gaydar.

[Hrmph]

I was told recently from a friend about a first date she went on recently where the guy said " I told my parents about you, they are really excited to meet you."

[paratactical]

Wow, I'm surprised with how many in each list I disagree with!

I think the better tactic is probably to just be yourself. If you're a crass kinda guy at heart and you don't already hold back in public, why would you want a lady who would expect that? If you're at heart a little crass, but you keep it in when you're out, you'll already do that for a lady!

In my limited dating time, I found that what is way worse than hearing a gross story on the first date is finding out after five that they're like that. Imagine if your vegetarian friend didn't find out until after several weeks that the guy was a big hunter? How would that ever work out in the end? While it was rude for him to rant about it, I would think that would be a pretty big hurdle!

[newastorian35]

Oh, that reminds me of one more:

A friend of mine went on a date and mentioned to the guy that she was a vegetarian. He started talking about how much he LOVED hunting deer. After he talked about the thrill of the kill for a few minutes, she figured that at least he wasn't interested and at most he was being a jerk.

A few days later he called and wanted to go out again!

I've had this happen to me also..  but more often, they'll go into detail about how much they love meat and describe every kind of bloody meat they love in detail.. and go on and on about how they could never live without it.  But the thing is, I'm not telling them to live without it!  I don't care what they eat, including that they can eat all the meat they want in front of me.  How would they like it if I went into a long speech about how much I love tofu, and describe the texture, and go on about how I can't live without it... and then ask them that if they don't eat tofu, what DO they eat?

[enigmacat]

In my limited dating time, I found that what is way worse than hearing a gross story on the first date is finding out after five that they're like that.

I definitely agree, para. I would rather know that Mr. Handsome has a coke habit up front. However, these are things that make me not want to go out with someone again - precisely because they were themselves, and I can see that their real selves are just not good matches for me. And I'm grateful that I was able to get that information right away and move on to look for a better match.

I'm really going more for the humor value here than trying to actually dispense advice.  :) I'm sure there are plenty of stories about women, too...

I'm trying to think of horrible dating faux pas I have made. There's the time I was on a date with a cop and made him jaywalk with me across 42nd street. He didn't call me. :)

[RedSoxfanNYC]

7. Don't bring me a Dr. Wayne Dyer tape or CD (oddly, this has happened to me on 2 first dates, with 2 different guys)

Who's Dr. Wayne Dyer?

[enigmacat]

Dr. Wayne Dyer

Actually they were both really nice guys, but I am SO not into that kind of thing.

[newastorian35]

Dr. Wayne Dyer

Actually they were both really nice guys, but I am SO not into that kind of thing.

Haha, self-help.. I would run as well :lol:

[newell the jewell]

Wow, I'm surprised with how many in each list I disagree with!

I think the better tactic is probably to just be yourself. If you're a crass kinda guy at heart and you don't already hold back in public, why would you want a lady who would expect that? If you're at heart a little crass, but you keep it in when you're out, you'll already do that for a lady!

In my limited dating time, I found that what is way worse than hearing a gross story on the first date is finding out after five that they're like that. Imagine if your vegetarian friend didn't find out until after several weeks that the guy was a big hunter? How would that ever work out in the end? While it was rude for him to rant about it, I would think that would be a pretty big hurdle!

I couldn't have said it better myself, esp. with regards to  "5. Trying to rapidly lick the back of my throat is not an acceptable kissing technique."
Come on now, if he's hot then so is this   :-P

[enigmacat]

I couldn't have said it better myself, esp. with regards to  "5. Trying to rapidly lick the back of my throat is not an acceptable kissing technique."
Come on now, if he's hot then so is this   :-P

honey, it just doesn't work for me.  If I can't move or breathe, I am NOT having a good time. But I understand that others might feel differently. I'll give him your number if you like :)

but don't just diss my list, feel free to make your own! I'm not trying to speak for everyone here :)

[RedSoxfanNYC]

Dr. Wayne Dyer

Actually they were both really nice guys, but I am SO not into that kind of thing.

Looks like something you see advertised on the subway.  :lol:

[odenhal]

I love tofu, and describe the texture, and go on about how I can't live without it... and then ask them that if they don't eat tofu, what DO they eat?

i think tofu is best when you catch your own in the wild ,not the ones raised on tofu farm (caged ), maybe at the next mixer i will regale you all with the story of the baddest tofu i ever went up against

back to the original topic

I'm really going more for the humor value here than trying to actually dispense advice.  :) I'm sure there are plenty of stories about women, too...

now you ladies

#1 please dont get overly drunk and throw up in my lap on the cab ride home
#2 please dont oggle other men on our first date
#3 please dont go on and on about how your last boyfriend was jerk
#4 please wait until after the date to tell me i am realy not your type
#5 please dont keep inviting me to the place your ex hangs out