Places to go solo?

[dennmart]

Hey everyone,

I've been living in Astoria for a few weeks now, and I really dig the place. It's much nicer than where I was staying at previously (with my cousin in The Bronx - go figure). Anyway, being that I've been in New York City for barely a couple of months, I really haven't met much people who I can classify as 'buddies' or whatever. So most of my free time I don't have people to hang out with.

I've been walking around town just to see what types of places there are, and while most places seem cool, virtually all of these places are full of friends or couples, making me feel that if I go in to eat or drink or whatever, I'll feel like a total loner, or that people think I'm some sort of loner or am alone for some sort of negative reason.

Does anyone have suggestions of nice places to go solo, and perhaps meet up with others who are probably in some similar situation? It's getting a bit boring having little to no place to hang out. Thanks!

[Starwind51]

I really haven't met much people who I can classify as 'buddies' or whatever. So most of my free time I don't have people to hang out with... making me feel that if I go in to eat or drink or whatever, I'll feel like a total loner, or that people think I'm some sort of loner or am alone for some sort of negative reason.

If you pick a couple of places that you've liked and go back to them every week or so you'll begin to feel like a regular.  The staff will start to recognize you and start to greet you, and other customers who are regulars will start to recognize you too.  Try to relax and take your time and you probably will start to relax.

In summer time it's easier to sit outside and do nothing, so take advantage of that and sit outside and people watch and casual conversations will probably just start happening.  Aside from that, if you go places that interest you, you'll automatically be surrounded by people who are into the same thing. 

I don't know if this is true of all places, but I've noticed that in New York we participate a lot in what I call 3 part repartee - two strangers are looking at the same thing, one person says something, the other person says something, and the first person says something back.  It's understood that's the end of the conversation, unless the two people feel an actual connection and a real conversation ensues.  So, don't be afraid to talk to strangers.  On the other hand, there are a lot of nuts in New York, so set up an e-mail address to use just with people you don't know well, and offer that instead of your phone number. 

[AJTNYC]

Hey Dennmart, welcome to the hood!  What part of town are you in?  Would be helpful to know to give you some recommendations.

[dennmart]

I'm right next to Ditmars and Steinway, but anywhere in Astoria is fine with me. I'm still getting to know the neighborhood and I'm sure there are tons of places I haven't seen yet.

And thanks for the suggestion, Starwind. I should take advantage of the weather to do that. Should be interesting!

[pineapple]

I go lots of places by myself in Astoria.  I love sitting in Cafes reading a newspaper or a book or a magazine.  Cafe Bar (34th Ave & 36th St) is one of my favorites.  I go there for brunch sometimes alone as well as for an earlier evening or weekend afternoon beverage.  What's nice is that there are always people there alone.  I've also been to restuarants all over Astoria alone and have always felt quite comfortable.  I think a big part of feeling comfortable is a mindset.  Enjoy alone what Astoria has to offer and before long you'll be enjoying alone and with other people.

[enigmacat]

There's no reason to be uncomfortable eating alone anywhere you chose. I do understand the awkwardness of being the a lone diner in a room full of couples, but trust me, no one is looking at you and thinking "my god, why are they eating all by themselves??" They're thinking about whether their date is going well, deciding between the duck and the filet mignon, and wondering what tip they should leave.

When I've had a long rough day and I don't feel like going home and cooking I take myself to Mundo for dinner. The staff is always charming and I never feel unwelcome.

Alternatively, you can post here and ask for dinner companions. I've done that too :)

[Astoria Luv]

Hey pineapple,

I was thinking the same thing.  Before I was introduced to this board, my friends in Astoria were almost all people that I met while just "hanging out.  There are a whole group of folks that I associated with at a video store and bodega on 36th Avenue, who I still see today, although not as much as I used to, since I no longer live on the block and both of the businesses have since closed.  If you ever walk down 36th Avenue between Steinway and Crescent with me, you'll know what I'm talking about.

That's not for everyone, I realize. Pineapple's suggestion is great, especially during the warm days of summer, when there are a lot of other single people just hanging out.  Maybe they are also looking for the same connection, but are too afraid to say anything.  I was just outside, grabbing my second iced coffee of the morning, when I struck up a conversation with someone at Natural Market who was standing in line.  I guess I'm pretty outgoing, but it's not like it took a lot of effort. 

Also, there are a lot of events in the area that are posted in the board that you might want to check out.  I've started to do more in the community and I've been able to meet some great people.  Sometimes you might want to send a PM or post a reply to a member who is seeing a particular concert and going to an event or just want to hang out.  There are a couple of members that I can think of who have asked if anyone wanted to join them in varying activities. And of course there's always the random Astorians mixer that pops up.

[Handyman]

I also agree with pineapple.

Dude, just go out and do what you want.   Have fun.    If you go out with an agenda of trying to find someplace where you can meet ppl to hang out with, you're setting yourself up for frustration and possible disappointment.

The only new suggestion I can offer is to buy a "Save The Boobs" shirt.  http://www.astorians.com/community/index.php?topic=10527.0
 I've gotten a few looks and smirks while wearing it around the hood.    Granted, I've had my iPod on and have poor social skills, but there were several opportunities there to strike up a conversation.

Welcome to the hood and don't stress on little s___ like this.   :mrgreen:

[newastorian35]

I love my own company and often wander around the neighborhood by myself :-)

It's nice just to walk around and see what's out there.. shop a little, eat a little..  I also like to pick up menus along my way to see what I'd like to try in the future.  I don't really pay attention to others, but I suppose you could meet many interesting people that way. 

Do you like to work out?  If so, I'd suggest joining a gym in the area.  Only if that's something you're into, though--you have to get into your own routine and do it for yourself and then eventually you will meet people.  The people who hang around the gym solely for the purpose of meeting others appear desperate and it's obvious they aren't there for the same reasons.  (example:  women all done up with their hair DOWN clearly do not intend to get sweaty).

I've also heard good things about www.meetup.com, although I have not tried it myself.  You can find a group that is interested in just about anything you might be into:)

[paratactical]

People say go anywhere, but I know what you mean! Some places it's awkward to be alone.

I find that the Irish Rover (28th Ave and 38th St) and McCaan's (38th St and Ditmars) are both places where it's easy to strike up conversation, especially if you like any sports at all. Rapture (36th St and 28th Ave), Fatty's (Crescent and Ditmars) and Indigo (31st St North of 30th Ave) all have bars where you can sit and eat. I've often had a good conversation while eating with people there.

I totally understand where you're coming from, though. I love going out on my own to talk to people, but too many places feel cloistered so that it would be hard to break into a conversation. The ones I listed above are the places I feel like I can get  strangers into conversation. I like places like Sparrow and the Beer Garden, but they're not places to meet people.

[Pulled pork]

The great thing about the Rover is that you get to know the bartender. After a while (like two good visits) you're a regular and that gets you every third drink on the house.  Plus the booze is cheap anyway.  Maybe the best Guinness in the neighborhood.

[Astoria Luv]

I used to enjoy sitting at Sunswick (35th Avenue & 35th Street) on a lazy Saturday afternoon, chatting with the bartender.  There were hardly any other customers and the random few that would come, had a drink or two and left.  Eventually, depending on what bartender was there, I would be doing shots and drinking a lot of complimentary beers!  Admittedly, this was a while ago and I have no idea who works there now.

[ladywithpans]

But won't the waitstaff be less willing to serve you during busy hours?  A solo diner won't tip as well as a couple.

[Astoria Luv]

But won't the waitstaff be less willing to serve you during busy hours?  A solo diner won't tip as well as a couple.

I usually sat at the bar when it wasn't busy.  After more people started coming in, say around 6, he or she, would of course attend to the rest of the customers, but they would always make sure that I was getting served.  In any case, I am very good tipper and I tend to bring my friends with me, so they were always willing to serve me.

[ladywithpans]

Well, if you're bringing friends then you're not dining solo.

Besides, sitting at the bar is uncomfortable, and I find it demeaning to have to sit there.  I might sit at the bar at Indigo if all I want is their gazpacho, but if I want a meal I'd rather go during slow hours when the alternative for the waitstaff is an empty table.