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Author Topic: New date "tests?"  (Read 6769 times)

Offline moodle

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New date "tests?"
« on: May 01, 2008, 06:28:24 PM »
I'm not sure how to phrase this, but I'm wondering what sorts of questions/phrases you guys tend to throw out to "qualify" someone? I think we've already mentioned:
* books
* crosswords
* trivia

Something I notice that is telling about a man is something odd: let's say I'm putting on my coat, or am adjusting some packages I'm carrying - I may ask my date to hold my purse for a minute. How long they will hold it and how they act while holding it is very telling for some reason! Men who are secure in their masculinity and easy going will hold it as long as necessary without making a fuss. Men who have...shall we say...issues get uppity about it and want me to take it back AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Because GOD FORBID they be seen holding a PURSE. or something. It's weird.

CountingZestfully

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Re: New date "tests?"
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2008, 08:04:03 PM »
I don't really "test" anyone, but there are a few things that might come up in normal conversation that are dealbreakers. I like to eat and cook all kinds of things, so anyone who is really picky or on a super-restrictive diet is just not going to vibe with me. Unfortunately, this includes vegetarians/vegans, because I really like meat and don't want to have to restrict the places we eat at/what I cook.

And there are certainly situations that serve as informal litmus tests. One time I was out with a guy for Sunday brunch and our server was a little slow getting us our food. This guy bitched and moaned about it so much and this led to him unleashing a whole litany of complaints about just about everything. It was a HUGE turn-off. I guess nobody ever told him not to sweat the small stuff. After that, I declined a second date.

Offline wasabisam

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Re: New date "tests?"
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2008, 08:29:32 PM »
I don't really "test" anyone, but there are a few things that might come up in normal conversation that are dealbreakers. I like to eat and cook all kinds of things, so anyone who is really picky or on a super-restrictive diet is just not going to vibe with me. Unfortunately, this includes vegetarians/vegans, because I really like meat and don't want to have to restrict the places we eat at/what I cook.

It seems like you are restricting yourself just based upon what a person eats. I am a vegan, but not religious about it so it seems that a lot of guys (or girls) who are vegan or vegetarian are also not fundamentally so and would stray from their diet if necessary. A lot of places these days, especially in NYC, have at least vegetarian items and many have vegan. I understand not wanting to date someone who is nitpicky and makes a big deal out of what they eat, but you could be avoiding some very great guys. Just my $0.02.

At any rate, I'm married and I don't remember what I did to "test" guys. Usually I could tell by their personality if I would get along with them or not. I think the main thing is to find someone that you can have a good and engaging conversation with, because those will be the most interesting people to date long-term.
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Offline casicua

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Re: New date "tests?"
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2008, 09:02:10 PM »
I have never done it, but I always found the "Bronx Tale Test" really cool. Unfortunately with the advent of power locks, it won't happen unless I ever get my dream '67 Mustang...

I don't have qualifier questions per-se, but I do look for a few signals:
A good sense of humor is a huuuge plus. I'm kind of a smart-ass, and if a girl dishes it back, that is a big turn on for me.
Obviously I like someone who is intelligent, I don't necessarily mean an intellectual, but a good wit is a really good sign.
My biggest red flag is a complainer or victim type personality, where someone is constantly making it out like someone is out to get them or everyone is against them.
I also can't stand people who are rude to service people. I am overtly nice to food servers, coouterpeople and the like, and just plain respectfulness towards people is important in my book.
Above all, not to sound cliche, but that "click" is just what seals the deal. You either have it or you don't. I think the superficial stuff can be worked past. I dated a vegeterian before and we had a great relationship, considering I'm basically a carnivore. I've also dated a girl where we had no common interest, but we grew into each other's interests and that actually makes for a fun relationship.

Offline moodle

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Re: New date "tests?"
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2008, 09:09:56 PM »
I have never done it, but I always found the "Bronx Tale Test" really cool. Unfortunately with the advent of power locks, it won't happen unless I ever get my dream '67 Mustang...
Above all, not to sound cliche, but that "click" is just what seals the deal. You either have it or you don't. I think the superficial stuff can be worked past. I dated a vegeterian before and we had a great relationship, considering I'm basically a carnivore. I've also dated a girl where we had no common interest, but we grew into each other's interests and that actually makes for a fun relationship.

Do you mean where the girl reaches over and unlocks the door for you? Yeah I hear guys like that!

I agree about dating different-than-you people. I like being challenged. I even like a good verbal spar. I remember reading somewhere that for my personality type, "an argument is an entree to seduction. But that's another thread...  :)

CountingZestfully

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Re: New date "tests?"
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2008, 09:57:48 PM »
It seems like you are restricting yourself just based upon what a person eats. I am a vegan, but not religious about it so it seems that a lot of guys (or girls) who are vegan or vegetarian are also not fundamentally so and would stray from their diet if necessary. A lot of places these days, especially in NYC, have at least vegetarian items and many have vegan. I understand not wanting to date someone who is nitpicky and makes a big deal out of what they eat, but you could be avoiding some very great guys. Just my $0.02.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't turn down an otherwise-wonderful guy just because he was a vegetarian. If that were the only thing that didn't really seem to click with me, I would definitely give him a chance. However, that situation has never presented itself. It's possible that the same personality characteristics or interests that typically go along with being a vegetarian are also some personality characteristics or interests that aren't hugely attractive to me. I'm sure there are some wonderful guys who are out there and are vegetarian; the ones I've met are just not for me.

Offline purplecurlygirl

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Re: New date "tests?"
« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2008, 09:20:06 AM »
I don't really "test" anyone, but there are a few things that might come up in normal conversation that are dealbreakers. I like to eat and cook all kinds of things, so anyone who is really picky or on a super-restrictive diet is just not going to vibe with me. Unfortunately, this includes vegetarians/vegans, because I really like meat and don't want to have to restrict the places we eat at/what I cook.

Another vegetarian sad to see us being written off because of what we don't eat, regardless of our reasons for doing so. I'm a strict vegetarian, but I have never, ever, ever found a restaurant where I couldn't find something to eat. Ever. And I'm used to having to search for something or making special requests, and I'm appreciative of the work the staff puts into finding something for me if necessary and I would never make someone else's meal difficult because of my personal choices.

I can't think of any specific tests that I have, but I definitely go with a gut feeling of whether I like that person or not. Maybe my test is whether they can just talk...like walking and talking or sitting in a park and talking. Whether we can talk without having some type of entertainment or distraction is a pretty good indicator of whether or not we'll click.

Offline erpotown

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Re: New date "tests?"
« Reply #7 on: May 02, 2008, 09:50:10 AM »
so anyone who is really picky or on a super-restrictive diet is just not going to vibe with me.

I cannot eat gluten (wheat, rye, oats, or barley) and I am severely allergic to shellfish. My test: If I am dating a guy who likes to cook and who is willing to accommodate my allergies and asks questions along the way, he wins big points in my book!


Offline paratactical

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Re: New date "tests?"
« Reply #8 on: May 02, 2008, 10:09:32 AM »
Personally, I agree with everyone!

As far as diets go, I probably wouldn't be a good match for someone who didn't eat meat because I love it. I'm a steak, beer and potatoes kinda girl and while I've got vegan and vegetarian friends that I cook for, they just aren't the kind of people that I've ever felt romantically toward.

Certainly I could meet someone and be crazy about them and deal with it--being vegetarian isn't a dealbreaker--but I tend to get along better with people who eat the same kinds of stuff I eat. I like to go crazy places and try weird foods and having to worry about someone's dietary restrictions or picky habits would make that hard. Now if there was a vegan out there that was meant for me, they'd have a good nature about it and help find new vegan culinary adventures.

There's also, though, that I enjoy cooking a fat steak for a guy a whole lot and I would miss being able to do that!

CountingZestfully

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Re: New date "tests?"
« Reply #9 on: May 02, 2008, 10:35:14 AM »
Personally, I agree with everyone!

As far as diets go, I probably wouldn't be a good match for someone who didn't eat meat because I love it. I'm a steak, beer and potatoes kinda girl and while I've got vegan and vegetarian friends that I cook for, they just aren't the kind of people that I've ever felt romantically toward.

Certainly I could meet someone and be crazy about them and deal with it--being vegetarian isn't a dealbreaker--but I tend to get along better with people who eat the same kinds of stuff I eat. I like to go crazy places and try weird foods and having to worry about someone's dietary restrictions or picky habits would make that hard. Now if there was a vegan out there that was meant for me, they'd have a good nature about it and help find new vegan culinary adventures.

There's also, though, that I enjoy cooking a fat steak for a guy a whole lot and I would miss being able to do that!

Yeah, that's the thing. I hate being in relationships and missing being able to do certain things, even such small things as cooking and eating a big huge steak with someone. I especially don't want someone to make me feel guilty for wanting to chow on some bloody meat. Food is a really large part of my life, I love to cook, love to eat, and I really enjoy the entire sensory experience. I don't think that not dating vegetarians has impacted my dating life at all. I don't think it's any different than people who prefer that someone shares a major interest such as dancing or gaming or what have you. There's always the flipside too--would you, as a vegetarian, want to date someone who felt negatively about your eating habits? Probably not. I don't take it personally when someone says we are not for each other because I have certain interests or characteristics. Other fish in the sea, you know?

Offline jennifer

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Re: New date "tests?"
« Reply #10 on: May 02, 2008, 09:25:51 PM »
I always found dating a nondrinker pretty difficult.  I don't drink a lot - but I think social drinking is a good thing - esp when newly dating!!


astoriared

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Re: New date "tests?"
« Reply #11 on: May 02, 2008, 09:46:13 PM »
Hello,
 If I'm on a first date or just starting to date a woman, I look or pay close attention to see if she has a sense of humor and if she is self-involved.  Some women that I have dated either always talk about themselves or put everything in the context of how a situation will benefit/hurt/impact them without ever considering anyone else.  This isn't a gender issue, of course, as there are just as many self-involved men as women.  Also, if the woman is grossed out by everything or finds everything disturbing, then that is a red flag.  For example, if someone constantly says, "I don't like/do/would ever even try that", on mundane or small things, then it might indicate a person that doesn't do too many adventurous things. And i'm adventurous!  :-P

Offline wasabisam

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Re: New date "tests?"
« Reply #12 on: May 02, 2008, 09:59:35 PM »
Food is a really large part of my life, I love to cook, love to eat, and I really enjoy the entire sensory experience.

[off topic]This is a really interesting statement because it almost implies that food isn't a large part of a vegan's or vegetarian's life. I understand that you may not have meant it that way, but I have to say that food is a huge part of my life. I love eating different kinds of foods, exotic or otherwise, and I have been able to find ample examples of this in my vegan diet. I even write a food blog.

I know this is off topic and I apologize. I just guess I am a little confounded that you won't date someone because they may or may not be offended by your diet, and that you are afraid that you will have a negative eating experience if you eat meat in front of someone who doesn't eat it. As a vegan, I'd like to think I am pretty tolerant of others' eating habits, and I most certainly have not excluded potential dates or boyfriends based upon their dietary habits. I would say that a good chunk of my boyfriends were carnivores, including one relationship that was pretty serious. Nearly everyone I know personally here in NY, aside from my husband and a handful of other people, are not even close to being vegetarian/vegan, so the chances of me, a vegan, eating with a carnivore is extremely high. I'm pretty used to it by now.

One thing I do understand is wanting to share in the culinary experience, but meat is only a fraction of what the world's cuisines have to offer.[/off topic]
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Offline enigmacat

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Re: New date "tests?"
« Reply #13 on: May 02, 2008, 11:47:26 PM »
I don't actively set out to test people, but ...

- if they're rude to the waiter
- if they spend a lot of time complaining about other women in their life, romantic or non-romantic
- if they have intense, unbending political or religious views, and can't see other sides of an argument


i'm probably not interested.

CountingZestfully

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Re: New date "tests?"
« Reply #14 on: May 03, 2008, 02:22:48 PM »
[off topic]This is a really interesting statement because it almost implies that food isn't a large part of a vegan's or vegetarian's life. I understand that you may not have meant it that way, but I have to say that food is a huge part of my life. I love eating different kinds of foods, exotic or otherwise, and I have been able to find ample examples of this in my vegan diet. I even write a food blog.

I know this is off topic and I apologize. I just guess I am a little confounded that you won't date someone because they may or may not be offended by your diet, and that you are afraid that you will have a negative eating experience if you eat meat in front of someone who doesn't eat it. As a vegan, I'd like to think I am pretty tolerant of others' eating habits, and I most certainly have not excluded potential dates or boyfriends based upon their dietary habits. I would say that a good chunk of my boyfriends were carnivores, including one relationship that was pretty serious. Nearly everyone I know personally here in NY, aside from my husband and a handful of other people, are not even close to being vegetarian/vegan, so the chances of me, a vegan, eating with a carnivore is extremely high. I'm pretty used to it by now.

One thing I do understand is wanting to share in the culinary experience, but meat is only a fraction of what the world's cuisines have to offer.[/off topic]

No, maybe I should have said "Eating meat" is a very large part of my life. I eat it with just about every meal. I don't doubt that vegetarians enjoy their food, however, I find a lot of vegetarian dishes very unsatisfying by themselves. And as I said before, I would NEVER refuse to date someone if their vegetarianism were the only thing about them that I didn't find appealing. I don't see what the big deal is here, I don't think this is any different than the poster above who said that she'd prefer not to date nondrinkers. There aren't any nondrinkers on here all up in arms. Who cares? You don't have to date me either! :)


 

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