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Author Topic: Subway Love  (Read 14371 times)

Offline MostlyHarmless

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Subway Love
« on: April 04, 2008, 08:25:49 PM »
I am pretty sure you have gotten on the subway at some point and noticed that good looking girl (or a guy for you ladies out there) sitting across from you. However, she is either listening to an iPod and staring out the window, reading her book without ever looking up, or vigorously texting someone with her cell phone. Well, either that or she looks at you and then you feel awkward so you sit quietly reading your own book.

So, girls, would a guy approaching you on the subway make you uncomfortable? What would be the best way to initiate a conversation?


Offline NYCMacUser

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2008, 08:40:15 PM »
There are some pretty interesting suggestions here.
Women are like teabags.
We don't know our true strength
until we are in hot water! â€”Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline goldfish

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2008, 11:18:44 PM »
Honestly, the only men who have ever approached me on the subway were not men that I would consider dating under any circumstances, ever.  But if a nice looking guy close to my age were to ask me what I was reading, or even just smile and say hello, I wouldn't flee in terror.  However, I think I would be more receptive on the way home from work rather than on the way there, since on the way there my mind is more likely to be focused on what I need to do today, etc.

Offline angastoria

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2008, 09:25:24 AM »
i think its totally fine, as long as you aren't creepy. asking what we're reading is the easiest way. its tough to be single again (i moved here with my ex), because it does seem like couplesville.  are we all going to meet up soon?
---i should be working, oh well---

Offline daisy

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #4 on: April 06, 2008, 10:49:54 AM »
I had a very cute guy ask me out on the subway a couple weeks ago.  We were waiting for the N train for at least 20/30 minutes already, after midnight sometime on a Thursday, Union Square.  Everybody's waiting and the bitching starts.  How much we all hate the N train, that it's always a long ass wait, blah, blah, blah, the usual.  Well, this guy kept the conversation going, and we talked about Astoria, life, etc., even as we got into the finally arrived and very crowded N train home.  Turns out he had just come back from a speed dating event, and he had had a good time.  I had just come back from a movie.  He was very nice looking, dressed well, confident, almost cocky, but yet down to earth and endearing.  Long story short - he asks me out, we exchange cards, he exits train.  Two days later, I email and never hear from him til 5 days after that.   He doesn't want to take me out anymore, and here's why - he had been out 3 times in the past week with a girl from the speed dating event.  It was going so well, he didn't want to date others right now.

So there you have it, dumped for another girl before we even went out!!!  Argh!!!!!    :lol: :lol: :x

That was the first time a guy had asked me out on the subway, who wasn't homeless, or an old man, or creepy.  He was a normal, regular guy.  I was flattered, and it was a good pick me up for a few days... until reality set in, and well, that's new york for ya.  So yeah, it really depends on how you approach a girl on the subway, but it's not bad to strike up a conversation.  And those late nights waiting for the N train, just waiting and waiting and waiting, - those are perfect opportunities to strike up a conversation.  Everyone loves to bitch about our lousy train service   :-)

Offline angastoria

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #5 on: April 06, 2008, 10:53:06 AM »
maybe we should have an astorians speed dating singles event! lol
---i should be working, oh well---

deela

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2008, 04:22:52 PM »
as an 'older' woman it just gets harder and harder to meet people. and still i am slightly hesitant when a man appears to be looking at me just a little too long on the subway.  :|  females have to be careful.  so youve got to project that you are just a regular guy. be low key and really feel just friendly and sincere - and that will shine through. smiling and looking right in her eyes helps.   :wink:

Offline 60decibels

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2008, 04:37:37 PM »
A seemingly obvious tip: don't follow her home!

A guy started chatting me up while I was a bit tipsy one night going home and mentioned where in Queens he lived. It was not anywhere near my stop (or on my line), but as we got closer to where I lived I realized he was still on the train with me. When he got off at my stop with me, I decided only to give him my email to get him off my case. Fortunately, I was able to communicate to him that the platform was as far as he was gonna get that night! Needless to say, that went nowhere.

A friend chatted with a guy on the train and was quite surprised (and distressed) when he showed up at her apartment a few days later! He seemed surprised when she didn't want to let him in.

Both men were not from this country - the one I met was from Singapore (I think) and one my friend met was from a Middle Eastern country - and maybe there was some cultural difference in communication. I've become much warier about talking with strange men on the subway after experiences like those above. I second the suggestion to talk about what a woman's reading, but if she is giving off definite "I'm not open to chatting" vibes it's most likely because she isn't.

Offline urrisgirl

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #8 on: April 11, 2008, 02:40:53 PM »
Like AngAstoria said, as long as you aren't creepy about it- I would go for it.

Years ago I had a crush on a guy the rode the same train with me everyday for almost a year. One day I got sick of waiting for him to talk to me and I went up to him and invited him to a party. Long story short he came to the party and we dated for 3 1/2 years. Sometimes you just got to go for it. What's the worst thing they say "no thanks" and you move on (or change subway cars!)

Goodluck!


JustDesserts

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #9 on: April 11, 2008, 03:56:58 PM »
I had a very pleasing/ego-boosting experience with this not too long ago. Weirdly, I was on my way to another date so of course I was all gussied up ... not that that would normally make a difference, but anyway ... I was on the R on a Saturday night and a guy got on the train at Lexington and 59th. He wasn't altogether unattractive so I think I must have smiled when he sat down across from me. He was checking me out big time, almost to the point of discomfort (I like to blend in), but he was all cute and fancy and suit-like so I'm sure I blushed and grinned like a freak, being totally unused to such attention. We both got off at 23rd Street and exit the station. I saw him pause at the PATH train area and rummage in his briefcase, but I just headed up to the street.  While I was getting my bearings, he ran up the stairs yelling "WAIT!" and gave me his card. He said, "You. Me. Coffee. Next week." Totally awesome. I admit that I never called, though, because what does a life-hating pastry cook have in common with a Polish corporate dude? It was still really fantastic, though, since I usually feel like a giant hag when I go out.

So I would say to MostlyHarmless, go for it, because even if she chickens out and doesn't call, you would probably absolutely make her day. Or you'll have a fantastic only-in-New-York story to tell your grandkids.  :wink:

Offline NYCMacUser

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #10 on: April 11, 2008, 09:53:46 PM »
While I was getting my bearings, he ran up the stairs yelling "WAIT!" and gave me his card. He said, "You. Me. Coffee. Next week." Totally awesome. I admit that I never called, though, because what does a life-hating pastry cook have in common with a Polish corporate dude?
Do you still have that card?

Exactly what can you lose by calling him? What is the worst possible scenario? Go ahead, play it out in your head . . . i'll wait . . . so, what is it?

You may NOT be calling your soul mate, your life partner, your children's father . . . you may never have the opportunity to celebrate your 25th wedding anniversary . . . go ahead, make that call.
Women are like teabags.
We don't know our true strength
until we are in hot water! â€”Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline duska3419

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #11 on: April 12, 2008, 05:37:35 PM »
I get freaked out when people try talking to me on the subway, but then again it's only because they are creepy, drunk, homeless, old, greasy, selling something, or some combination of those. But then again it hasn't happened in a very long time .....

But, Mike, if you are relatively new in town and looking to meet people then you might as well. If you take the 'hey what are you reading' approach, don't act like you know something about the book/author if you don't.

Offline bstewart

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #12 on: April 12, 2008, 06:18:20 PM »
take the 'hey what are you reading' approach
That's good. "Buy these AA batteries or I will spit on you" wasn't working for me.

Offline CW

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #13 on: April 13, 2008, 11:33:45 PM »
I think a large part of the problem is that guys like this ruin it for everyone else.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,351120,00.html

Offline darioism

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #14 on: April 13, 2008, 11:56:41 PM »
iPods ruin everything!

There have been a few girls who I have finally mustered up the courage to approach, but they were wearing headphones. How does a guy deal with that?

Offline Astoria Luv

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #15 on: April 19, 2008, 09:40:44 AM »
Here you go, a website dedicated to the subway crush folks:

http://subwaycrush.com/



Offline jennifer

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #16 on: April 19, 2008, 10:47:21 AM »
Not a love story - but a meeting a guy on a subway story:

I was heading to Chinatown with 35 students (12 were my responsibility) as a chaperone on a history field trip.  There was a guy next to me reading a guide book.  I don't know anything about Chinatown and this wasn't MY trip - I was just an adult body suckered in to chaperoning... so... I said to the guy... "hey - when you're done with that section would you read us the section about Chinatown?"  That broke the ice - we started chatting - turns out dude is a Chinatown tour guide.  He had nothing better to do that day, so my group of 12 kids and I got our very own professional tour guide. We saw things the other groups didn't get to see - my kids won the scavenger hunt assignment - and our guide also splurged and bought dumplings for all the kids in my group.  All for a "Thank You."

The guy wasn't scamming me. Wasn't trying to hook up.  He was just enjoying the day out with a group of pretty appreciative 9th graders. 

My students were APPALLED that I would talk to a stranger on the train.  And shocked that he turned out to be a "normal seeming" guy with no evil ulterior motives. 

I talk to LOTS of people on the train.  Sometimes leads to a great conversation.  Once it led to a tour of Chinatown.  Sometimes it just leads to me cracking myself up.  Sometimes I think that I AM one of those crazies on the train that you're warned not to talk to.   But... whatever.... I believe in taking opportunities to make life more interesting. 

Moral of the story... you see someone you want to talk to... make it happen. 

Good luck



Offline Capibara

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #17 on: April 19, 2008, 01:00:51 PM »
one my friend met was from a Middle Eastern country - and maybe there was some cultural difference in communication. I've become much warier about talking with strange men on the subway after experiences like those above.

I think this guy may have asked me out too.  My friends & I were taking the train back from the Beer Garden.  He was confident, super cute, and seemed nice and sane enough when he started chatting me up on the platform.  While I was about to get off at my stop (my friends were still on), he asked how he could see me again.  I replied "oh, I'm sure I'll just see you in the neighborhood some time".  Just as the doors were closing, he jumped off.  I must admit that at the time, I thought it was kinda ballsy and cool.  My friends instantly started calling and texting me to make sure I was ok (they are good like that).  He wanted my number and would NOT take "no" for an answer (should have been my 1st clue to run).  I told him I'd take his number but would not give him mine, I had just broken up with someone and not really interested in dating yet.  Eventually I gave in and did give him my my number (big mistake).  When he called, I told him very nicely that I wasn't ready to date yet, sorry if I led him on by giving him my #, etc.  Over the course of 3 months, I had 20 voicemails/texts from him even though I never responded to any.  Lesson learned.

Offline newastorian35

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #18 on: April 20, 2008, 12:41:00 PM »
i think its totally fine, as long as you aren't creepy. asking what we're reading is the easiest way. its tough to be single again (i moved here with my ex), because it does seem like couplesville.  are we all going to meet up soon?

I wouldn't ask her what she's reading--I would be very annoyed if someone asked me that.  Women are frequently subject to unwanted male attention (random guys making comments on the street, when all we're trying to do is get to work or get home?) and the subway is the one place where there is that great unspoken rule that people don't talk to each other.  I'd say it's acceptable to talk to her if you're waiting on the platform, but make it a brief comment or ask her a question and see if she's responsive.  Responsive beyond a polite response that just about anybody would provide.  If she is, and you converse a little longer, see where she stands once you get on the subway.  If she remains right next to you, I'd say that's a good sign, but if she purposely moves further away or to another car, I'd say to leave it alone.  If you talk a little further on the subway, slip her your business card before exiting and say you're not in the habit of doing this, but you'd love to hear from her. 

Offline moodle

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #19 on: April 28, 2008, 12:53:40 PM »
iPods ruin everything!

There have been a few girls who I have finally mustered up the courage to approach, but they were wearing headphones. How does a guy deal with that?

You don't. It usually means "leave me alone."

While I'm normally someone who is totally up for chatting with strangeers, if I have my headphones on it usually means I'm wiped and dont' feel like being social. If I'm the only other person on a train and someone asks me for directions or something it's fine, but otherwise I probably won't respond much if someone tries to chat me up. Unless they are cute and say something totally clever. In which case I still probably won't be up for much engagement.

Offline enigmacat

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #20 on: April 28, 2008, 01:12:16 PM »
OTOH, my headphones just mean that I am trying to kill time and most of the time I would love to be asked about my book.

Maybe the rule of thumb is to make the first step and then don't push it if s/he is not receptive.

dneedle1

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #21 on: July 10, 2008, 03:31:24 PM »
I've only tried it once, but I saw an attractive woman reading Ayn Rand, an author with very distinct views.  I asked her about it, we chatted for a bit, I gave her my business card.  Like 10 days later she e-mailed me.  We ended up going out for a few months and we're still in touch.  And I'm no Don Juan.  It can be done, but the subway is one place where guys really should take no for an answer.

luna79

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #22 on: September 09, 2008, 10:23:55 PM »
Try posting at 'missed connections' on craigslist afterwards.   :-)

brendagates

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #23 on: October 10, 2008, 04:39:19 PM »
I WISH some of the dudes I've seen looking back would speak to me. Mostly, what I get is either a creepy stare that results in nothing, or the dude just looks away as soon as he's seen that I've "caught" him.

Offline odenhal

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #24 on: October 10, 2008, 04:47:48 PM »
dam my 3 1/2 block commute, :cry: i never get to do the look away when I'm caught thing
you can not deny this gorgeosness, you can only hope to handle it

Offline OnlyinNY

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #25 on: October 07, 2009, 11:06:42 PM »
I was reading this post yesterday thinking that I see a lotttt of good looking men on the subway, some of which i make eye contact with, and never talk to any of them. After reading these posts I got on the N at herald square coming home from Hammerstein ballroom and made eye contact with this cute guy. I saw that he kept sneaking peeks but i hardly looked back, just because its weird to have a stare-off with someone. Anyway he lost his chance to approach bc a woman stood in between us so we were no longer visible to each other and then he had to get off.
-- Start making conversation please!

PS this is my first post  :-)

Offline JeffSayYes

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #26 on: October 08, 2009, 10:06:18 AM »
I've only tried it once, but I saw an attractive woman reading Ayn Rand, an author with very distinct views...

oh yeah, anyone reading Ayn Rand wants to chat about it. Why do you think they put the name so big on the cover? http://www.fantasticfiction.co.uk/images/n6/n33891.jpg

Offline awwsheeet

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #27 on: February 17, 2010, 09:28:10 PM »
you should never judge a book by its cover or people by what they read but i wouldnt even bother approaching anyone reading an aayn rand book.

Offline JoeyC

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #28 on: February 18, 2010, 12:16:08 AM »
All a guy has to do is go from car to car, and say "excuse me, I hate to bother you, but if anyone can spare some change, even a quarter, a penny, anything, I would,,,,,thank you...blah blah blah.."        Then you walk through car, and sooner of later, some woman will ask you how you got to this problem, why are you homeless, etc.   There's your opening guys. Really, I see it once a week.
 :mrgreen:

Offline awwsheeet

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #29 on: February 18, 2010, 12:38:32 AM »
im shy as s___ but im not going to pretend im homeless.....just buck up and say hi...whats the worst that can happen, she wont date you?  she def wont date you if you just stand and stare....

Offline Clearview

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #30 on: February 18, 2010, 02:31:58 AM »
im shy as s___ but im not going to pretend im homeless.....just buck up and say hi...whats the worst that can happen, she wont date you?  she def wont date you if you just stand and stare....
Ask her for her name and make a suprise call after looking her up on the yellow pages.

Offline JoeyC

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Re: Subway Love
« Reply #31 on: February 22, 2010, 11:14:28 PM »
im shy as s___ but im not going to pretend im homeless.....just buck up and say hi...whats the worst that can happen, she wont date you?  she def wont date you if you just stand and stare....

You took that as serious?    :-o


 

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