Subway Love

[MostlyHarmless]

I am pretty sure you have gotten on the subway at some point and noticed that good looking girl (or a guy for you ladies out there) sitting across from you. However, she is either listening to an iPod and staring out the window, reading her book without ever looking up, or vigorously texting someone with her cell phone. Well, either that or she looks at you and then you feel awkward so you sit quietly reading your own book.

So, girls, would a guy approaching you on the subway make you uncomfortable? What would be the best way to initiate a conversation?

[NYCMacUser]

There are some pretty interesting suggestions here.

[goldfish]

Honestly, the only men who have ever approached me on the subway were not men that I would consider dating under any circumstances, ever.  But if a nice looking guy close to my age were to ask me what I was reading, or even just smile and say hello, I wouldn't flee in terror.  However, I think I would be more receptive on the way home from work rather than on the way there, since on the way there my mind is more likely to be focused on what I need to do today, etc.

[angastoria]

i think its totally fine, as long as you aren't creepy. asking what we're reading is the easiest way. its tough to be single again (i moved here with my ex), because it does seem like couplesville.  are we all going to meet up soon?

[daisy]

I had a very cute guy ask me out on the subway a couple weeks ago.  We were waiting for the N train for at least 20/30 minutes already, after midnight sometime on a Thursday, Union Square.  Everybody's waiting and the bitching starts.  How much we all hate the N train, that it's always a long ass wait, blah, blah, blah, the usual.  Well, this guy kept the conversation going, and we talked about Astoria, life, etc., even as we got into the finally arrived and very crowded N train home.  Turns out he had just come back from a speed dating event, and he had had a good time.  I had just come back from a movie.  He was very nice looking, dressed well, confident, almost cocky, but yet down to earth and endearing.  Long story short - he asks me out, we exchange cards, he exits train.  Two days later, I email and never hear from him til 5 days after that.   He doesn't want to take me out anymore, and here's why - he had been out 3 times in the past week with a girl from the speed dating event.  It was going so well, he didn't want to date others right now.

So there you have it, dumped for another girl before we even went out!!!  Argh!!!!!    :lol: :lol: :x

That was the first time a guy had asked me out on the subway, who wasn't homeless, or an old man, or creepy.  He was a normal, regular guy.  I was flattered, and it was a good pick me up for a few days... until reality set in, and well, that's new york for ya.  So yeah, it really depends on how you approach a girl on the subway, but it's not bad to strike up a conversation.  And those late nights waiting for the N train, just waiting and waiting and waiting, - those are perfect opportunities to strike up a conversation.  Everyone loves to bitch about our lousy train service   :-)

[angastoria]

maybe we should have an astorians speed dating singles event! lol

[deela]

as an 'older' woman it just gets harder and harder to meet people. and still i am slightly hesitant when a man appears to be looking at me just a little too long on the subway.  :|  females have to be careful.  so youve got to project that you are just a regular guy. be low key and really feel just friendly and sincere - and that will shine through. smiling and looking right in her eyes helps.   

[60decibels]

A seemingly obvious tip: don't follow her home!

A guy started chatting me up while I was a bit tipsy one night going home and mentioned where in Queens he lived. It was not anywhere near my stop (or on my line), but as we got closer to where I lived I realized he was still on the train with me. When he got off at my stop with me, I decided only to give him my email to get him off my case. Fortunately, I was able to communicate to him that the platform was as far as he was gonna get that night! Needless to say, that went nowhere.

A friend chatted with a guy on the train and was quite surprised (and distressed) when he showed up at her apartment a few days later! He seemed surprised when she didn't want to let him in.

Both men were not from this country - the one I met was from Singapore (I think) and one my friend met was from a Middle Eastern country - and maybe there was some cultural difference in communication. I've become much warier about talking with strange men on the subway after experiences like those above. I second the suggestion to talk about what a woman's reading, but if she is giving off definite "I'm not open to chatting" vibes it's most likely because she isn't.

[urrisgirl]

Like AngAstoria said, as long as you aren't creepy about it- I would go for it.

Years ago I had a crush on a guy the rode the same train with me everyday for almost a year. One day I got sick of waiting for him to talk to me and I went up to him and invited him to a party. Long story short he came to the party and we dated for 3 1/2 years. Sometimes you just got to go for it. What's the worst thing they say "no thanks" and you move on (or change subway cars!)

Goodluck!

[JustDesserts]

I had a very pleasing/ego-boosting experience with this not too long ago. Weirdly, I was on my way to another date so of course I was all gussied up ... not that that would normally make a difference, but anyway ... I was on the R on a Saturday night and a guy got on the train at Lexington and 59th. He wasn't altogether unattractive so I think I must have smiled when he sat down across from me. He was checking me out big time, almost to the point of discomfort (I like to blend in), but he was all cute and fancy and suit-like so I'm sure I blushed and grinned like a freak, being totally unused to such attention. We both got off at 23rd Street and exit the station. I saw him pause at the PATH train area and rummage in his briefcase, but I just headed up to the street.  While I was getting my bearings, he ran up the stairs yelling "WAIT!" and gave me his card. He said, "You. Me. Coffee. Next week." Totally awesome. I admit that I never called, though, because what does a life-hating pastry cook have in common with a Polish corporate dude? It was still really fantastic, though, since I usually feel like a giant hag when I go out.

So I would say to MostlyHarmless, go for it, because even if she chickens out and doesn't call, you would probably absolutely make her day. Or you'll have a fantastic only-in-New-York story to tell your grandkids. 

[NYCMacUser]

While I was getting my bearings, he ran up the stairs yelling "WAIT!" and gave me his card. He said, "You. Me. Coffee. Next week." Totally awesome. I admit that I never called, though, because what does a life-hating pastry cook have in common with a Polish corporate dude?

Do you still have that card?

Exactly what can you lose by calling him? What is the worst possible scenario? Go ahead, play it out in your head . . . i'll wait . . . so, what is it?

You may NOT be calling your soul mate, your life partner, your children's father . . . you may never have the opportunity to celebrate your 25th wedding anniversary . . . go ahead, make that call.

[duska3419]

I get freaked out when people try talking to me on the subway, but then again it's only because they are creepy, drunk, homeless, old, greasy, selling something, or some combination of those. But then again it hasn't happened in a very long time .....

But, Mike, if you are relatively new in town and looking to meet people then you might as well. If you take the 'hey what are you reading' approach, don't act like you know something about the book/author if you don't.

[bstewart]

take the 'hey what are you reading' approach

That's good. "Buy these AA batteries or I will spit on you" wasn't working for me.

[CW]

I think a large part of the problem is that guys like this ruin it for everyone else.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,351120,00.html

[darioism]

iPods ruin everything!

There have been a few girls who I have finally mustered up the courage to approach, but they were wearing headphones. How does a guy deal with that?